Orioles 10 Rangers 9

Ah, Texas. Like John Wayne Gacy's crawlspace, whatever-the-Rangers-Stadium-is-called-these-days is a place where things get buried, in this case, the ERAs and WHIPs of pitchers. The victims this day were Texas' Vincente Padilla and the O's Koji Uehara. Padilla got the hook first, after being blasted for 7 earned runs on 11 hits in 3 1/3 innings. Koji fared a little bit better but was clearly laboring by the 6th inning and his stat line looked just as ugly: 5 innings, 7 hits and 7 earned runs. Danys Baez, who looked sharp the first two games, morphed back into the hittable pitcher we all remembered from 2007. He did inherit a mess from Uehara, bases loaded with none out, but he helped turn a 10-4 rout into a 10-9 nailbiter. However, some solid holds by Jamie Walker and Jim Johnson kept the Rangers at bay. George Sherrill came on, and of course, put the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position. But Nick Markakis bailed Sherrill out with a brilliant catch of a long flyball by Michael Young and Flat Breezy struck out Marlon Byrd to end the game. Just another day at the office for Sherrill, who Jim Palmer fittingly nicknamed "Mr. Excitement."

But with the bad pitching came hitting. Lots and lots of hitting. Aubrey Huff had the biggest night, going 4 for 5 with 3 RBIs. Markakis and Brian Roberts kept up their hot starts by going a combined 5 for 10 with 3 RBIs and 5 runs scored. But the biggest shot came off the bat of Felix Pie, who hit his first home run as an Oriole and then punctuated it with the fastest home run trot since Pete Rose. Seriously, dude looked like Usain Bolt flying around the bases. And oh by the way, how nice were those new Orioles road unis with "Baltimore" written across the chest...

...Sweet.

So let's just call this one another typical night in Texas. The O's can assure a third straight series win tomorrow night with Alfredo Simon going against Brandon McCarthy. But for now, if you like an O's win, give me a Domo Arigato!

Orioles 5 Rays 4

A little late getting this up (not that anybody gives a crap) but the Baltimore Orioles are now 3-1 thanks to a 5-4 victory last night over the defending AL champion Tampa Bay Rays (still weird to say that). The O's can guarantee a second series win tonight against what figures to be one of the top teams in the division. We've seen the O's get off to good starts before, only to crap the bed come August and September. But so far there is something a bit more encouraging about this team. Right now, the O's top 3 hitters (Brian Roberts, Adam Jones and Nick Markakis) look as solid as any in baseball. Those three guys hit the crap out of the ball again last night, collecting five hits and scoring 4 of the 5 Oriole runs. Melvin Mora, who hit so well last year with runners in scoring position, knocked in 3 RBIs, hopefully picking up where he left off last year.

Now, if you asked me who my two least favorite Orioles were at the beginning of this season I would have told you without hesitation: Mark Hendrickson and Danys Baez. I nearly strained my voice screaming "NOOOOO!!" when the O's signed Hendrickson, a 6'9 lefty who couldn't break a Cheez-It with his fastball. I saw Hendrickson plenty in his days with the Dodgers and wasn't very impressed. Baez, much like Hendrickson, was also with the Dodgers, stunk there, got signed by the Orioles and stunk in 2007 before missing all of last year with arm injuries.

With that said, of course those two guys would look very sharp last night. Hendrickson allowed plenty of baserunners in his 5 1/3 innings pitched (6 hits and two walks) but he pitched himself out of it and only gave up one run, a homer to Evan Longoria. Baez was even more impressive and looks reborn if his first two appearances this year are any indication. He struck out four Rays over his 1 2/3 innings of no-hit ball. He looks like the guy who saved 40 games for the Rays a couple of years ago.

And yet, the O's bullpen made it interesting again. This time, it was the guys who were good last year, Jim Johnson and George Sherrill providing the heart palpitations. Johnson especially looked shaky, giving up a two-run homer to Longoria to turn a 5-1 game into a 5-3 nailbiter. Of course, shaky is Sherrill's business and Flat Breezy was up to his usual tricks, striking out all three Rays he faced but also giving up a homer to Dioneer Navarro. Business as usual, right Georgie?

Other than the bullpen, the only other worry sign for the O's is the inability to stop other teams' running game. The Yankees stole four bases in three games when they were here and Tampa Bay added another one last night. A lot of these steals, the catchers haven't had a chance. The pitchers have to do a much better job of holding guys on.

Small quibbles when you're winning though, and the Orioles are winning out of the gate. Let's see if they can get another one tonight with Jeremy Guthrie on the hill against Jeff Niemann (who?). Until then, if you like an Orioles win, give me a Jai Ho!

Orioles 10 Yankees 5- Magic Number: 161

Great way to start a season eh? Beating the dreaded, hated Yankees. Pounding $160 million fat ass C.C. Sabathia into submission (seriously, did you see the size of Sabathia out there? Dude looked like a sperm whale. As my old man would say, "He don't look like he's skipped too many meals.") It was one of the most satisfying opening day wins I can remember in quite some time. Yes, it was only one game, and the pitching was as suspect as O's fans expected. But who gives a crap? For one day, we whacked Sabathia and the Yanks pitchers around the ballpark.

The top 3 in the batting order, Nick "The Greek" Markakis, Brian Roberts and Adam Jones, looked lethal at the plate. The Yankees pitchers couldn't get them out all day. Cesar Izturis did more at the plate and in the field in one game than last year's shit sandwich of Freddy Bynum, Alex Cintron and Luis Hernandez did all season, even bringing a small measure of cosmic revenge for Jeffery Fuckin' Maier in 1996 with his home run.

But the real point of this little rant is to tell all the O's fans that were in attendance today: Bravo! You not only took back Oriole Park at Camden Yards, a place that for far too long had become the personal domain of the Sal's, Anthony's and Vinnie's making their way down from New York but you gave Mark Teixeira the booing of a lifetime. And it couldn't have happened to a bigger douchebag than Teixeira.

"Double talkin' jive
Get the money motherfucker
Cuz I got no more patience"
- Axl Rose

Here's the thing, Yankee fans and outsiders won't completely understand the venom we have towards Tex. They all think it was because he signed with the Yankees and not the Orioles. Or because he took the Yanks' $180 million over the O's $150 million. But really, the reason we gave him the Elway treatment and booed his ass all the way back to the Bronx wasn't because of either of those things. Oh sure, they were a part of it, but the real reason is because Tex, a Severna Park native, could have come back to Baltimore and been the hero of the day. He could have been the beacon of the O's return from the baseball graveyard. Some O's fans were looking forward to his free agent year for 3 seasons. A good portion of the fan base was ready to build him a statue to go with Johnny U's. The thought of a local boy coming home and helping to resurrect the Orioles to their place as a top organization was just too good to be true. He got everybody's hopes up by indicating through the press that coming back to play in Baltimore (or in D.C.) would be a real thrill for him. We salivated at the thought of this guy hitting his 35 homers and 100 RBIs in orange and black.

So when he revealed himself to be just another baseball mercenary, it felt like a real double-cross. But even then, we could live with Tex signing with the Yankees. We could live with the money. But when he gave that press conference for the New York media where he talked about how it was his dream to play for the Yankees, how Don Mattingly was his favorite player and how he would go to games at Camden Yards wearing a Yankees cap, well, that was the last straw. Tex wouldn't just get a token booing like Mike Mussina did. No no, he would get an epic kind of booing. A John Elway/Robert Irsay-style booing. The kind of vitorol that most people don't think Baltimore fans have but oh, we do.

My only worry going into today was that the Yankee fans would drown out the boos. But O's fans, you guys came up clutch.

We booed Tex so bad, he revealed himself as utterly and completely full of crap. "In a perfect world, I'd be an Oriole?" Uh, Tex, Judge Hangar has found you guilty of being a lowlife, front-running, chickenshit motherfucker. I got news for ya big man, that $180 mil bought you 8 more years of booings like this. We O's fans can take comfort in the fact that for 10 games a season for the next 8 YEARS, we can come to the Yard and boo Tex out of the ballpark. That we can look forward to a whole series of damage control statements like this one. You could have been a hero Tex but now, we O's fans hope when you go for crab cakes, the chef, the hostess, the patrons and the waiter boo your ass as well. Like Johnny Utah told Roach at the end of "Point Break," "I hope it was worth it."

So, it's 1-0 for the O's with a day off tomorrow before playing opening night against the Yanks on Wednesday. Until next time, if ya like an Orioles win, give me a HELL YEAH!!

Oh no! We suck again! Or: Reasons for optimism with the 2009 Orioles

Ed. Note- I was going to do a story about the whole Alex Rodriguez steroid mess, but I’m taking a pass on that one for two reasons 1) It’s been beaten to death 2) Much more talented writers than myself has taken on this topic better than I could ever hope for. Ok, on with the post...

Spring training has started, which means one thing: the Baltimore Orioles have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention.


Is that fatalistic, negative and a set up for future bandwagoneering? You bet. But I think we can say with some certainty that the O’s will likely go without a postseason berth for the 12th straight year. The odds are probably about 95/5 that the lack of postseason berth will be accommodated by a losing season and finish in 5th place. Such is life for a rebuilding club in the American League East. Throw in the struggling economy, years of bad feelings between the club and the fan base and we will be sure to see plenty of empty seats again at Camden Yards, at least until ESPN (short for Entertainment Sox & Yanks Programming Network) favorites Boston and New York come to town. In that case we will have to deal with assholes like this…



…and this…



…invading Oriole Park in droves.

Nonetheless, GM Andy MacPhail, unlike GMs in the past, actually has a plan: rebuild the farm system, acquire a stable of young pitchers, have speed and defense up the middle, take fliers on talented, young, inexpensive guys who haven’t worked out in other places and lock up your homegrown players to long term deals. Owner Peter Angelos, the man on the receiving end of many an O’s fans wrath, seems to trust MacPhail more than GMs in the past. MacPhail has rewarded that trust by staying patient & pulling off heists like the Erik Bedard and Miguel Tejada trades. To make a long story short (too late), even though the O’s may stink yet again this year, there is reason for hope, provided MacPhail sticks to his vision and Angelos stays the hell out of the way. Here now are some reasons for optimism for your 2009 Baltimore Orioles.

-Andy MacPhail - Right guy at the right time for this organization. Even if his moves don’t end up working out, he’s already earned his stripes with the Bedard and Tejada trades. Shipping Tejada was a case of perfect timing, just before Miggy was fingered in the Mitchell Report, was accused of lying about his age and then pleading guilty to lying under oath. Consider the bullet dodged.
Bedard may end up being the new millenium Glenn Davis, at least if his first season in Seattle is any indication. Bedard wore out his welcome with the Seattle media in a hurry, got hurt and was lost for the season by July. Meanwhile, two of the guys the O’s got for him, Adam Jones and George Sherrill became contributors right away, while pitcher Chris Tillman looks like he has a bright future as well.

-Felix Pie - One of MacPhail’s quieter moves this season, Pie could end up being a steal. He’s got five-tool talent and at one point was considered untouchable by the Cubs. He had problems with strikeouts and bouncing back and fourth between Wrigley Field and AAA wrecked havoc with his confidence. Strange that the Cubs would sour on him as quickly as they did, given that they wouldn’t trade him for Brian Roberts last summer but were willing to dump him for Garrett Olson this off-season. Still, Pie is worth the gamble, especially since he will be seeing plenty of at-bats with this team. At best, he turns out to be a stud that gives the O’s one of the best outfields in the American League with him, Jones and Nick Markakis. At worst, he’s Corey Patterson and you can dump him in a year.


-Matt Wieters- He’s probably starting the year at AAA Norfolk but his legend is already growing. Wieters destroyed high level A ball and kept right on hitting at AA. If he’s not the O’s starting catcher by August, something’s wrong. The guy’s attributes jump off the page like Marisa Miller in a bikini: 6’5, switch-hitting catcher that hits for average and power with a Dave Snow-like laser rocket arm behind the plate. And yes, I made a Marisa Miller reference for no other reason than to show that picture.

-Jake Arrieta, Chris Tillman & Brian Matusz- The history of O’s pitching prospects is grizzly. Names like Ben McDonald, Matt Riley and Adam Loewen bring sad resignation at what might have been. But there’s been a lot of buzz about Arrieta, Tillman and Matusz and the hopes that they can provide a foundation of solid pitching for the next decade. All three figure to be starting the year in the minors, and MacPhail is not going to rush them but after last season, it’s hard not to get excited about them.
Arrieta, ranked 36th in MLB’s top 50 prospects, led the Carolina League in ERA, finished fourth in strikeouts and had a 1.99 ERA. Before getting a call-up to AA Bowie last year, Arrieta was having a terrific year in A ball.
Tillman, ranked 16th on the same list, came over in the Bedard trade and looks like a solid top 3 starter. He won 11 games in Bowie and held opponents to a .227 average.
Matusz was the O’s first round pick last year and it will be interesting to see where MacPhail starts him this year. If the kid is being compared to Cole Hamels, that’s a good thing, and not just because of Hamels’ wife.

- Nick Markakis and Brian Roberts signing long term - Kake is becoming the face of the franchise and now the kid is going to be paid for it to the tune of $11 million a year. The guy has all it takes to become an icon in Baltmo - a likeable, humble, five-tool player who is just beginning to tap into his potential. His ceiling is limitless, especially as his power develops and he is surrounded with better players.
The signing of B-Rob was a bit of a surprise, considering he would possibly fetch a nice package in a trade. But its hard to complain about locking up a homegrown talent who can bat leadoff, steal bases and play great defense. It’s a good sign that a guy like B-Rob, who could have fetched a ransom in free agency, commit a bulk of his prime years to the O’s. Despite being one of the last links to the O’s own Steroid Era, Roberts is beloved by fans and the organization and he’s rewarded the team by staying.

-No more Daniel Cabrera - Yes, the erratic D-Cab is now the Nats problem. As usual, we’ll get a bunch of stories about how Cabrera has “turned a corner” in an attempt to harness the thunderbolt in his right arm and translate it into wins. Of course,

by August, he will have driven everyone crazy with his walks, hit batsmen, temper and negative mound demeanor. To paraphrase Bette Davis, “Buckle up Nats fans, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.”

- The competition - Let’s see, the Yankees will be a traveling circus all year with the A-Rod thing and, oh by the way, are coming up on a decade since their last championship. How quickly do Yankees fans turn on Mark Teixeira when he gets off to his customary slow starts? How quickly does A.J. Burnett get hurt? When does CC Sabathia eat his way out of town?

The Rays blossomed last year but they won’t be able to sneak up on anybody anymore.

The Red Sox have no more Manny and his 30 homers and 100 RBIs. Big Papi Ortiz is coming off a horrendous season (thanks for killing my fantasy season. Dick), just had wrist surgery and has now been linked to A-Rod’s trainer. Their fans have become the most insufferable in all of baseball and they are due for some steroid allegations (how have the Yanks and O’s had 20 players each and the Sawx haven’t had any?). It’s schadenfreude time for Red Sox Nation.

The Blue Jays are mired in a high level of mediocrity.

Oh, and by the way, this year is the 20th anniversary of the O's famous “Why Not?” season. For those who don't remember, the 1989 O's followed the historically bad 1988 team that started the season o-21.


Can I talk myself into a “Why Not Redux?” Hmm, ask me in September. By that point we’ll know if I’m a prophet or every bit the idiot I say I am.