Monday, April 6, 2009

Orioles 10 Yankees 5- Magic Number: 161

Great way to start a season eh? Beating the dreaded, hated Yankees. Pounding $160 million fat ass C.C. Sabathia into submission (seriously, did you see the size of Sabathia out there? Dude looked like a sperm whale. As my old man would say, "He don't look like he's skipped too many meals.") It was one of the most satisfying opening day wins I can remember in quite some time. Yes, it was only one game, and the pitching was as suspect as O's fans expected. But who gives a crap? For one day, we whacked Sabathia and the Yanks pitchers around the ballpark.

The top 3 in the batting order, Nick "The Greek" Markakis, Brian Roberts and Adam Jones, looked lethal at the plate. The Yankees pitchers couldn't get them out all day. Cesar Izturis did more at the plate and in the field in one game than last year's shit sandwich of Freddy Bynum, Alex Cintron and Luis Hernandez did all season, even bringing a small measure of cosmic revenge for Jeffery Fuckin' Maier in 1996 with his home run.

But the real point of this little rant is to tell all the O's fans that were in attendance today: Bravo! You not only took back Oriole Park at Camden Yards, a place that for far too long had become the personal domain of the Sal's, Anthony's and Vinnie's making their way down from New York but you gave Mark Teixeira the booing of a lifetime. And it couldn't have happened to a bigger douchebag than Teixeira.

"Double talkin' jive
Get the money motherfucker
Cuz I got no more patience"
- Axl Rose

Here's the thing, Yankee fans and outsiders won't completely understand the venom we have towards Tex. They all think it was because he signed with the Yankees and not the Orioles. Or because he took the Yanks' $180 million over the O's $150 million. But really, the reason we gave him the Elway treatment and booed his ass all the way back to the Bronx wasn't because of either of those things. Oh sure, they were a part of it, but the real reason is because Tex, a Severna Park native, could have come back to Baltimore and been the hero of the day. He could have been the beacon of the O's return from the baseball graveyard. Some O's fans were looking forward to his free agent year for 3 seasons. A good portion of the fan base was ready to build him a statue to go with Johnny U's. The thought of a local boy coming home and helping to resurrect the Orioles to their place as a top organization was just too good to be true. He got everybody's hopes up by indicating through the press that coming back to play in Baltimore (or in D.C.) would be a real thrill for him. We salivated at the thought of this guy hitting his 35 homers and 100 RBIs in orange and black.

So when he revealed himself to be just another baseball mercenary, it felt like a real double-cross. But even then, we could live with Tex signing with the Yankees. We could live with the money. But when he gave that press conference for the New York media where he talked about how it was his dream to play for the Yankees, how Don Mattingly was his favorite player and how he would go to games at Camden Yards wearing a Yankees cap, well, that was the last straw. Tex wouldn't just get a token booing like Mike Mussina did. No no, he would get an epic kind of booing. A John Elway/Robert Irsay-style booing. The kind of vitorol that most people don't think Baltimore fans have but oh, we do.

My only worry going into today was that the Yankee fans would drown out the boos. But O's fans, you guys came up clutch.

We booed Tex so bad, he revealed himself as utterly and completely full of crap. "In a perfect world, I'd be an Oriole?" Uh, Tex, Judge Hangar has found you guilty of being a lowlife, front-running, chickenshit motherfucker. I got news for ya big man, that $180 mil bought you 8 more years of booings like this. We O's fans can take comfort in the fact that for 10 games a season for the next 8 YEARS, we can come to the Yard and boo Tex out of the ballpark. That we can look forward to a whole series of damage control statements like this one. You could have been a hero Tex but now, we O's fans hope when you go for crab cakes, the chef, the hostess, the patrons and the waiter boo your ass as well. Like Johnny Utah told Roach at the end of "Point Break," "I hope it was worth it."

So, it's 1-0 for the O's with a day off tomorrow before playing opening night against the Yanks on Wednesday. Until next time, if ya like an Orioles win, give me a HELL YEAH!!

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